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Life is hard in man-bag land!

Excuse me, but could I trouble you to swath me generously in indigenous textiles?


As you can see, I’m only partially swathed.

I need your help, Sister, as I tend to my nest of artisanal kilims. Surely you’d feel more sourced, and ready to purchase my man-bag if I didn’t have this asymmetrical swath problem, wouldn’t you, Girl.

See how vulnerable my pedicure looks, as it caresses these tender fringelings? My skinny jeans, while rich in hue, hardly suffice for such holisticness. Of course, because this fool stylist left me swath-imbalanced.

But, my hand-made accessories shopping brethren and sistren,

If you care to unlock my $225 crotch satchel, you will find a treasure trove of native wovens inside its buttery hide that is actually $220 of waxed canvas and $5 of tanned leather goodness.  Wovens sold separately, Goddess.

You can swaddle my shivering rose-linen left shoulder, and nestle in my chia-chin while you’re there, beard-lover.

Do you see my ears, Boy? I’m ready for your oral history. Bring me some burlap, and I’ll anthropologize your purchase.

9 comments… add one

  • Wendi January 28, 2015, 12:06 pm

    Glad to see your husband has a new job!

  • Ann Imig January 29, 2015, 8:39 am

    I’m so proud!!

  • Liz @ ewmcguire January 28, 2015, 9:22 pm

    You said crotch satchel. Hahahaha!

  • Ann Imig January 29, 2015, 8:40 am

    I just googled that to see if it had some other meaning. Doesn’t appear to, but I now know some new terms I wish I didn’t.

  • Alexandra Rosas January 29, 2015, 10:33 am

    You are so funny and your posts bring me true glee. Like hand clapping.

  • Ann Imig January 29, 2015, 12:13 pm

    If I blow bubbles and sing, I could almost be a Mommy & Me teacher!! (Thanks so much for reading, friend)

  • Zak January 31, 2015, 1:05 am

    #crotchsatchel #best

  • Vikki February 5, 2015, 11:49 am

    I cannot live with asymmetrical swathing.

  • Nancy Davis Kho February 5, 2015, 3:53 pm

    How on earth did I miss this?

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