Hi, I’m 38. Are you 38? (Turns to Husband) Honey, she’s 38!
I like your shirt. Want to come to Florida with us?
Are those muscles or boobs?
I’m so strong I can pick you up. Sorry if that hurt, but I told you I was going to pick you up.
How many Moogers do you have? How many Beys? Can I go home with you?
Is your name Aiden? How about I just call you Aiden.
Repeat after me: What’s your name? What color is the sky? What’s the opposite of up?… NO. I mean answer the questions. What’s your name? What color is the sky? NO during the day. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAY BLUE. What is the opposite of up? NO you’re supposed to say up. I HATE YOU.
Want to see my card trick? Pick a card. Now let me see the card. Now give me the card. Was this your card?
This is boring. Can we go now? Can we GO? You’re mean. Can I have a piggy back ride?
Hi. Do you want to be Iron Man? Because you can’t be Iron Man. I’m Iron Man.
My favorite song is Onion Gunyon Style. He says a bad word. I’m going to whisper it in your ear: (shouts) HE SAYS SUCKSY LADY. Sorry I didn’t mean to spit on your ear. Apologize.
Say CUP. No SAY cup. Oh, sorry sorry sorry I mean spell CUP. You said pee. I’m telling.
Your breath smells really bad. Like coffee. Can you go over there?
If you’re one of those adventurous “travel with your kids types,” check out my post at Scary Mommy’s today wherein I give you the top 10 places to take your kids (that you can tolerate for at least one hour) in Madison, Wisconsin. Three places feature ice cream, because our state motto is “Forward” which is short for “Forward, yonder waffle cone!”