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The Grade School Columnist interviews YOU for a change

Rickyphoto

I got to draw on ditto sheets and make worksheets for you to solve!! Then Mrs. Ross will take the ditto sheet into the teacher’s lounge and turn that thing around over and over while her arm jiggles and she makes copies for the whole class. Then I will give you your interview assignment and I will judge your work. If I like it you will get a red smiley face. If I don’t like it you might get a Nice Try! or a Do over!

1. If you have 50 cents and Tangy Taffy costs 35 cents and you eat the whole Tangy Taffy and Anna Ruth doesn’t eat hers, should you beg her until she shares even if she says “stop begging you always beg?”

2. If your wrap-around skirt falls off during “Land of The Silver Birch Home of The Eagle” dance in music class, do you just stand there in your tights? Or do you let Mrs. Williams put it back on you, even though she is your music teacher and she is basically dressing you in front of the whole class while they do the “boom diddy boom boom boom diddy boom boom” part while they stare at you instead of doing their knee-bops?

3. What do you do when you get to go on the Girl Scout Hay ride when you’re not even a Girl Scout and you can’t hold it?

4. What are ps and qs when Mrs. Ross says mind your ps and qs? YOU MAY NOT ASK MRS. ROSS THIS ANSWER. YOU MAY USE THE ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITTANICA. YOU MAY NOT ASK AMY CLARK JUST BECAUSE ALWAYS GETS A RED SMILEY FACE EVERY DAY OF HER LIFE.

5. Why does gravity ruin some people’s hair feathers but never Ricky Schroeder’s? Why when you bring a picture of Ricky Schroeder to the beauty parlor to show them does your hair end up looking exactly like Mrs. Johnson’s who has B.O.? Please answer in complete sentences.

6. Do you think third grade is too young to go with someone? How about is it too young to have your own style of writing? Do you like the game concentration what’s your occupation? BONUS FUN: TRY YOUR OWN STYLE OF WRITING HERE. IT DOES NOT NEED TO BE D’NEALIAN FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

7. The end. Don’t forget to check your work. I will give you a grade of E for Excellent VG for Very Good G for Good S for satisfactory or N for needs improvement. Forget it. Mrs. Ross just said I can’t give out grades but I can’t erase on a ditto sheet. So mentally just forget about this part and good luck.

30 comments… add one

  • Erin October 17, 2012, 10:30 am

    Encyclopedia Britannica. Holy crap. To think my kids will never know the glorious set of brown and gold books. My mom still has our set of…hmmm…it may have been EB, or maybe it was something like WOrld Book Encyclopedia from circa 1982? collector’s item? HA!

    giggling.

  • Katherine Stone @postpartumprog October 17, 2012, 10:37 am

    I love you. That is all.

  • Laurie October 17, 2012, 10:45 am

    Ricky Schroeder could ride that train around his living room for days and his hair would stay the same. Unfair.

  • Shannon October 17, 2012, 11:29 am

    Oh, Silver Spoons. When “rich” was synonymous with “car-shaped bed.” I so wanted one of those.

  • Wendi October 17, 2012, 11:36 am

    So mentally just forget about this part.

    Hilarious.

  • Suzy October 17, 2012, 11:53 am

    We had the green and white World Book Encyclopedia. And I’d forgotten all about WRAPAROUND skirts! That took me back. I’m trying to remember what color mine was (or were, I may have had 2)

  • Andrea October 17, 2012, 1:08 pm

    If Anna Ruth was a decent friend, she’d be offering up that taffy before you had to beg!

  • Anna See October 17, 2012, 2:40 pm

    i don’t share my tangy taffy with anyone. i’m also sick of my sister begging for my orange tic tacs by going around with her hands out, singing “money for the poor.” sheesh.

  • Jessica Watson October 17, 2012, 7:55 pm

    D’nealian? I can actually see that written on the front of my Catholic school workbook from the days when I was in love with Ricky Schroeder and had a wrap around skirt that actually did unwrap.

  • Lady Jennie October 18, 2012, 12:29 am

    You tell her you’ll trade her tangy taffy for your gobstoppers or your fire balls. Duh!

  • shane tan October 18, 2012, 2:48 am

    These questions are pretty hilarious. Some are disturbing and makes me think twice of your sanity. lol. All in all it was a great and fun interview.
    Ecommerce Australia

  • Stephanie Precourt October 18, 2012, 5:02 am

    YES.

    teph

  • Heather EO October 18, 2012, 7:13 am

    What would we do if you weren’t here to trigger our middle school memories? I could even see the ghosts of teachers past standing at the copy machine with arm waggle. Now I have arm waggle. Maybe if I didn’t notice that so much, my arms would wait to waggle until I’m older.

    wait. WHAT?

  • Anna Lefler October 18, 2012, 7:20 am

    But the syllabus said there’d be no pop quizzes!

    #bitter

    A.

  • Lisa Page Rosenberg October 18, 2012, 8:25 am

    I want a red smiley face every day of my life. xo

  • Getrealmommy October 18, 2012, 10:34 pm

    Oh Ricky. I heart you forever and ever.

  • Kelley October 19, 2012, 12:57 pm

    I am laughing out loud! The things you put together- shaky arms making copies (makin’ copies!!!), B.O., Ricky Schroeder… Loved, loved it.

  • Masala Chica October 19, 2012, 1:17 pm

    I think you should definitely keep begging for more laughy taffy, no matter what she says!

  • Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac October 19, 2012, 6:28 pm

    Oh the hay ride. I hear ya. Every time I see a pumpkin I have to pee.

  • tracy@sellabitmum October 20, 2012, 6:00 am

    My hair always ended up looking more like Kristy McNichol’s.

  • lostandforgotten October 20, 2012, 9:58 am

    I wish people still gave you stickers on your assignments for a job well done. I really wouldn’t mind after dinner if my kids were like “good job mom! Here’s a smiley face sticker!”

  • dusty earth mother October 21, 2012, 5:36 pm

    I had a denim wraparound skirt that I wore with a bodysuit that snapped at the crotch and it would ride up on me and show little half-moons of my waist. I think I deserve a Tangy Taffy for the pain of this experience.

  • The Empress October 22, 2012, 8:20 am

    I don’t know why this hit me this way today, but I love Ann’s Rants.

  • Joanna Jenkins October 22, 2012, 5:50 pm

    Oh good lord– The wrap-around skirt. How did we ever survive those?!?

    This, as always, cracked me up.

    xo jj

  • Wendy October 22, 2012, 6:15 pm

    Oh wow. I completely forgot about the wrap-around skirt. I had some crazy wings back then in my hair. My mom was always trying to give me Farrah Fawcett hair.

  • sewa mobil jakarta October 23, 2012, 11:36 am

    Very nice, thanks for the information.

  • Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him October 23, 2012, 9:45 pm

    I can’t answer these because I’m laughing too hard and trying to mentally forget my wrap-around skirts.

  • yourfriendrobin October 26, 2012, 2:46 am

    These grade school columnist posts crack me up so hard every time. This time I especially loved the part about “do you think third grade is too young to have your own style of writing.”

  • Sarah October 28, 2012, 8:29 am

    Made me laugh! (No small feat these days!)

  • Heidi October 30, 2012, 2:31 pm

    “Why does gravity ruin some people’s hair feathers but never Ricky Schroeder’s?” I know, right?? That made me laugh!!
    You are one fabulous person.

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