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Another JUST FRIENDS Valentines for yours truly, Medusa.

By your favorite high school columnist Ann Medusa Krinsky!!!!!

It’s valentines again, big whoop. I will probably get carnations in homeroom and they will definitely be from just friends. I’ll get a bunch of candy because duh I have four parents. I’m going to the dance with OH TAKE A WILD GUESS just a friend and I might as well cut my long hair off and see if anyone even notices.

Omigod what if I did.

Last weekend I went on a temple youth group retreat in Minnesota with Craig and made this girl Dara cry because I guess Craig kissed her recently or something. But then Craig and I are obviously so obviously together the entire weekend holding hands and hugging and Craig sitting on my lap. I pretty much made sure l was just like how Becky used to be with Craig at camp, and how Craig’s best girl friends are always so powerful you can’t possibly compete. He always has the prettiest girls as “best friends” and if you like him you can’t be pissed because they’re just friends. It sucks big time when you’re the new person that likes him (So sad too bad Dara), but it is magnificent when you finally get to be number one best friend like me.

But secretly this is the truth. I’ve spent many years making Craig like me and he just goes and kisses Dara because he wanted to. WHAT THE HELL? She never even tried and just appears one day as a Freshman, and he just goes and kisses her without her waiting for three years. Even if I had the power all weekend at a temple in Minnesota and made her cry with how amazingly close Craig and I are, she lives there in his real life and he kissed her just like that. She’s just like Marni and like every other boring girl in America. Except Ann Krinsky who waits so patiently for her turn and has to sleep on a board all summer after he practically broke you from giving him piggy back rides, and that he still hasn’t kissed.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Now there’s one thing I feel a tiny bit bad about. I invited Brad to the retreat and told him it was gonna be rad. Then I never talked to him or looked at him unless Craig’s arm was around me or he was braiding my hair. But remember, Brad rejected me for Carrie. Brad was one of the nerds turned cool that liked me when he was a nerd and then he got the lead in the musical and I liked him and we were together, and then we were making out on the couch and I told him how much I liked him and he ran out of the room like I was Medusa. He had a lame time at the retreat, but whatever he could’ve met some friends. I don’t know why he was just asleep in his sleeping bag by like 11:00 pm. Sorry Brad. If you didn’t treat me like a reject I would’ve been holding your hand and making Craig jealous during silent prayer.

That’s life in the big city as they say.

Before you start feeling so sad and imagining my funeral and how much everyone would miss me CRAIG and sob because they missed their chance CRAIG, and before you OOPS Brad upside the head I said OOPS upside your head for running out of the room like I was Medusa, I’m also in love with Joey. But I cannot even talk about that today because he is my brother’s camp friend and everyone is in love with him and he confuses my brain even more than Craig because he is in college. It is too real what we have and I cannot discuss it. I just can’t. Don’t ask me. Well, fine, but only in person if you sleep over next weekend. If you ever stop being grounded for calling your Mom a Jackass.

So Happy Valentine’s day from the forever never have a real boyfriend and always have to talk about boys at camp that you people probably think do not even exist, and practically don’t if you have to wait three years until they finally might kiss you because they sort of have to, and then run from the room like you are Medusa.

I’m going to go gnaw on my over-sized Hershey Kiss Valentine. I’ve got it down to almost a circle but I still can’t fit the whole thing in my mouth. Goodbye.

 

***

On Valentine’s Day the series “Battleground” premiers on Hulu. This is the show made by my extremely successful once-high school theater cohorts—neither Brad nor Craig nor Joey–and that I did a small role for (not until episode 8). You can read about the Madison connections here and how I play against type, and watch the trailer right here:

If you’re local, The Brink Lounge is screening the premier episode free to the public 2/14 at 7pm. See you there!

29 comments… add one

  • Hope February 13, 2012, 6:38 am

    Delightfully daffy blog, Ann.

  • Loukia February 13, 2012, 7:31 am

    Awesome as usual, Ann! Happy day before Valentine’s Day! :)

  • Becky February 13, 2012, 8:59 am

    I can’t wait for this show! The trailer was great! So exciting.

    Oh and your blog was pretty great too.

    EPISODE 8, yo!

  • Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog February 13, 2012, 9:07 am

    Man. I wish I’d gone to Jewish camp.

    Except I was Catholic back then. I guess I might have stood out a bit.

    But flirting during silent prayer sounds SO MEANINGFUL that I feel absolutely broken-hearted at having missed that opportunity…

    :(

    Trailer looks good! I anxiously await episode 8.

  • dusty earth mother February 13, 2012, 9:13 am

    Magnificent. And now I shall retire to my sleeping board.

  • L-Diggitty February 13, 2012, 10:57 am

    LOL, hilarious! By the end of the third paragraph, I was having a flashback to summer camp, age 12. I was also usurped by a friend! ;) I can’t remember the name of the guy, but I do remember that he and his friend were totally into Kriss Kross at the time and wore their clothes backwards a lot. SO dreamy. :P

  • Wendi February 13, 2012, 11:11 am

    Can Craig braid my hair?

    And I think Ann Krinsky and Wendi Willson would have been no boyfriend loser bffs together.

  • Jessica February 13, 2012, 1:05 pm

    You had me at piggy back ride. Love this and can I just say that it’s been a crappy day and I came straight to your blog to cheer me up. Totally worked. Thanks.

  • Kate Coveny Hood February 13, 2012, 1:43 pm

    I never had boyfriends. I would literally scare boys away with my inability to make small talk. Definitely didn’t let them sit on my lap or give them piggyback rides… But it doesn’t sound like those wiles worked for you either. That Craig…leading you on with the flirting and the hair braiding… Happy Valentines day!

  • Andrea February 13, 2012, 4:30 pm

    Oh man, why is it always the right ones who don’t like you like that?! Gotta go get some chocolate now (but in moderation as I remind myself I am not 13) Thanks for the giggles!

  • Adventures In Babywearing February 14, 2012, 6:16 am

    Ann, you slay me. Happy Valentine’s Day!!

    Steph

  • Heather of the EO February 14, 2012, 7:04 am

    You said MAGNIFICENT.

    Also. Closing with the HUGE Hershey’s kiss thing? BRILLIANTLY magnificent. I had forgotten the gnawing.

  • Anna Lefler February 14, 2012, 8:14 am

    Damn, I love me some Valentine’s Day.

    It’s just so…*universal.*

    Enjoy!

    XO

    A.

  • annie February 14, 2012, 8:49 am

    Is it lame I was nodding and changing the names in my mind? I hate carnations to this day!

  • Mama Kat February 14, 2012, 9:21 am

    I am dying…you captured the “nice enough to be friends with, but not pretty enough to date” girl SO well.

    Not that I could relate or anything…ahem.

    I’m damn proud you finally landed Craig. Even if it did take 3 years.

    (I can’t see a video…is there a video?)

  • Mama Kat February 14, 2012, 9:23 am

    Oh I see it! Didn’t load the first time because my computer’s a jack ass.

    I would watch that!!!

  • Lady Jennie February 14, 2012, 12:39 pm

    Oh the memories, the memories …

  • Heidi February 14, 2012, 1:18 pm

    You kill me! In a good way, of course.
    Happy Valentine’s Day to you, Ann.

  • Julie February 14, 2012, 3:35 pm

    omigod I totally wanted Craig. Except his name was Dave (and everyone called him Pappy) but he didn’t kiss me, either. I also love/hated Dara but her name was Sandra (and everyone called her Sandra). She was the homecoming queen, so. Yeah. Dave kissed her not me.

    p.s. “If you’re gonna get high, do it off camera, people.” Words to live by, no? Either way, the show looks fabulous. Really.

  • Suzy February 14, 2012, 5:51 pm

    I left the Catholic Church at 15 and turned my back on organized religion forever. It occurs to me that I might have been hasty in this decision since there appears to be some action that I might have missed, pined over, rewritten history about in these Jesus Camps you speak of.

  • Anna See February 14, 2012, 9:39 pm

    Big whoop! It amazes me how you remember these phrases and saying so perfectly. You transported me back to our church retreats in a millisecond. Of course I never got any any any action at those. I did get some good eye contact w/ one guy during “quiet time” but that was it. Too bad, so sad is right.xo

  • Anna See February 14, 2012, 9:41 pm

    Oh and the piggy back ride thing killed me. Reminded me of how I was too lame and scared to do the whole chicken fighting thing in the pool at camp, but all the cool kids did.

    Another slam dunk, Ann. You crack me up!

  • MommaBeThyName February 15, 2012, 9:56 am

    Bah!! Love it! Took me right back to that notebook where I would write “Stephanie loves So-and-So”, a different name on every page.

  • Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac February 15, 2012, 8:29 pm

    Life in the big city, as they say, is brutal. How in the world did you survive?

  • The Flying Chalupa February 16, 2012, 12:01 pm

    It’s a good thing you’re not like every other boring girl in America, Ann Krinsky. Also, it was my husband’s personal dating motto to wait three years before kissing a girl. And…I laughed so hard at the piggy back rides.
    xoxo

  • Joanna Jenkins February 16, 2012, 6:46 pm

    “…obviously so obviously together…” ha!

    I swear you have a movie in here. I love this series!

    xo jj

  • The Empress February 17, 2012, 12:10 am

    My favorite, favorite favorite series.

    How you remember this all, it’s perfect.

    Although you were a thousand more times brazen than I ever was back then, your memories take me right back to that time.

    Had I been a braver girl, had I been an ann krinsky.

  • Cheryl February 19, 2012, 4:37 pm

    This makes me wish I was a teenager in the 80s. You were all so much more angsty. Love love love this.

  • lostandforgotten February 21, 2012, 6:53 pm

    Ah yes, the most difficult hurdle to cross. Transitioning from the friend zone.

    If you’re ever in Minnesota trying to recreate these moments, let me by you the drink your underage self needed =)

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