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Real Valentines

Romeo, Romeo
Get off of my balcony or I will get a restraining order

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue
If the kitchen isn’t clean in the morning
I will go Elizabeth Taylor-Martha-Virginia Woolf on you

My love is like a red red rose
Kind of cliche and a little wilted

Be Mine!
(Just kidding. Everyone in the class got one)

Your love is like bad medicine
There is no appropriate way to dispose of it except maybe sending it to a third world country

Some say love it is a flower
But that my dear, is garlic mustard

I love you a bushel and a peck
Whatever the hell that means

And I’ll be your friend
And I’ll be your lover
And I know in our hearts we’ll agree
It’s better if you shave your own back hair

You are the sunshine of my life
and the dirty sock balls on my floor

Love me tender, love me true…
Let me go to sleep

My real valentine for you, dear readers, is a $100 dollar shopbop gift card giveaway! Leave a comment with “SB” and I will select a winner at random—posting the results Friday. Shopbop has stylish clothing and accessories at every price point. On the cheap–I LOVE these Madewell gunmental earrings, which would look quite fetching with this Alexander Wang Jess handbag (she says while slobbering on her keyboard).


45 comments… add one

  • Lisa Page Rosenberg February 8, 2010, 12:37 am

    You are just a sappy ol’ romantic at heart and I love that about you.

  • Suzy February 8, 2010, 12:47 am

    The gunmetal earrings link doesn’t work thanks to you slobbering all over it. I just discovered gunmetal slides I think I bought 6 years ago? They look a lot more appealing now than they apparently did 6 years ago when I slobbered all over and aisle and bought them.

    What in the fuck am I talking about?

  • Frau February 8, 2010, 2:35 am

    Your hubby is one lucky guy!

  • sfabrications February 8, 2010, 4:19 am

    There’s nothing like good old domestic romance!

  • idgtm February 8, 2010, 6:06 am

    These are pure Hallmark moments.

  • Becky February 8, 2010, 8:18 am

    You should work for Hallmark, or SomeEcards.

    So… am I enrolled in the giveaway or was I supposed to go somewhere else? HELP! I want gun metal.

  • Kate Coveny Hood February 8, 2010, 8:23 am

    SB Baby! You know I love me a good giveaway. (I’ve even won a few.)

    How about this one:

    She gives me love, love, love, love.
    Crazy love.
    She gives me love, love, love, love.
    Crazy love.
    And now I have to buy my kid a new rabbit.
    (name that movie!)

  • Kate Bast February 8, 2010, 8:57 am

    SB and love with attitude. Dig it. Screw the schmarm!

  • Tara February 8, 2010, 9:19 am

    Too Funny, I love them:)

  • Sprite's Keeper February 8, 2010, 9:40 am

    SB! And my mother used to sing that Bushel and a Peck song to me as a kid. I still don’t get it. (I think I was vaccinated against it..)

  • The Mother February 8, 2010, 10:16 am

    How about this one? I love you, but I really need my own space.

  • bernthis February 8, 2010, 10:20 am

    Oh Ann, this is so…so…uh…ah…yeah, that’s it.

  • Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels February 8, 2010, 10:43 am

    These are awesome! Way better than the original(s).

    oh, and definitely SB :-)

  • Wendi February 8, 2010, 10:55 am

    Please remember me when you’re president of Hallmark.

  • Suzy February 8, 2010, 11:38 am

    287? Slow down, pardner.

  • Suzy February 8, 2010, 12:35 pm

    IS MY FACE RED OR WHAT? (I seriously have a caps lock issue going on)

    I went to the SB website and they have really trillions of gorgeous stuff. I’m going to write them and ask if I can move into their store.

    Strawberry preserves is a fruit, right?

    (you have to be careful in what order you put those 2 letters)

  • Boy Crazy February 8, 2010, 12:45 pm

    SB gift card! Woo to the hoo! Sign me up, baby. And I better be getting one of those Valentines…;)

    Miss you! I feel so out of touch these days.


  • zeghsy February 8, 2010, 12:46 pm

    i’m considering making my own valentines this year, using those. if for no other reason than i have no “valentine” again this year and people (gross generalization of course) kind of suck.

    also, SB because no one else will buy me jewelry.

  • Mama B February 8, 2010, 1:53 pm

    Laughter is the best medicine, that and shopping, sign me up lady! SB!

  • Lisa Page Rosenberg February 8, 2010, 5:53 pm

    And SB already! SB! SB! SB!
    Thank you for the opportunity to SB.

  • Not The Rockefellers February 8, 2010, 6:06 pm

    SB you know you want it :)

    Give it to me baby
    And then get the hell off of me so I can sleep

    Peace, Love and SB

  • Amber February 8, 2010, 6:31 pm

    SB, please. I adore ShopBop!

    Your poem made me smile and laugh, and I really needed that today. Thank you!


    shevilkenevil1 at aol dot com

  • Corinne February 8, 2010, 7:05 pm

    OOOh SB! :)
    Loved the poem!

  • MommaKiss February 8, 2010, 7:30 pm



    Roses are Red,
    Violets are Blue,
    You’re a worthless turd,
    so pour me some wine, sucka!

    (that’s to the boyfriend i had in college)

  • ♥ Braja February 8, 2010, 7:51 pm

    Did someone say gunmetal?

  • Spencer L Casey February 8, 2010, 11:57 pm

    SB! :)

    So you’re saying my sock balls are a bad thing?



  • Lee of MWOB February 9, 2010, 12:20 am

    You and SB sitting in a tree
    First came a sweater, then a giveaway…
    SB and Ann will soon be going all the way!!!

    Okay I tried.


    I better win or I will be so pissed.

  • dearheart February 9, 2010, 1:07 am

    Just say SB? Ok. That’s worth a bushel and a peck, or at least a hug around the neck.

  • LutherLiz February 9, 2010, 9:56 am


    Pick me!

  • Anna See February 9, 2010, 1:27 pm


    Loved the valentines…

  • mandiegirl February 9, 2010, 1:30 pm

    Oooh..I’ve never visited shopbop before today! Looks great! :)

  • Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub February 9, 2010, 1:55 pm


    Merely coincidence that SB also stands for SOCK BALLS? God, I hope so!!!

  • publicknitting February 9, 2010, 2:59 pm

    SB, and you are so awesome for doing a give away. I think I am going to do one soon.

  • Heather of the EO February 9, 2010, 4:17 pm


    And my husband will especially appreciate this post when I read it loud when he gets home. SO romantic.

  • Heather of the EO February 9, 2010, 4:20 pm

    I just said “read it loud.”

    That too.

  • Getrealmommy February 9, 2010, 5:49 pm

    I am not funny, but I want to win. Can I win if Im not funny? SB

  • MommyTime February 9, 2010, 7:15 pm

    KCH’s poem is excellent. I sing the bushel and a peck song to my kids all the time. In our house the lyrics are: “I love you, a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, a hug around the neck and a la-de-da-dee-dum…” because that’s as far as I ever learned. And yet, I can’t seem to get that song out of my head. *sigh* (And I’d love to win the SB giveaway.)

  • Sassy February 9, 2010, 9:52 pm

    Ohhhhh, SB all the way. ‘Cause dang, I loves me some ShopBop.

  • Jane Lively February 10, 2010, 2:28 pm

    I don’t even know what SB is, but i want me some!

  • Vodka Mom February 10, 2010, 4:51 pm

    I love me some bs. I MEAN SB.


  • mommymae February 10, 2010, 5:08 pm

    sb (if i say i thought those were funny, does it disqualify me since i didn’t follow your rules? ’cause they were funny.)

  • the mama bird diaries February 10, 2010, 8:41 pm

    Finally, someone has brought the romance back to Valentine’s Day. Thank you Ann.

  • Jack February 11, 2010, 10:46 pm

    I have always been partial to a card that says:

    You were second choice. Happy Valentines Day.

  • Mexmom February 12, 2010, 1:43 pm

    “SB” too bad I’m not that clever to think of one for my ex… LOL

  • Adoption of Jane February 14, 2010, 5:22 pm

    LOL that was cute!

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