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Interview with my self #2: 14-year-old Busboy

Pat (restaurant manager): So, you are how old?
Me: Fourteen.

Pat: Do you have any work experience?
Me: I have to unload the dishwasher and clean my room before Berdie our cleaning lady comes–if you can believe that.

Pat: What is your schedule?
Me: Home Room, Spanish, Social Studies, Study Hall, Lunch, Algebra, Bio, Health.

Pat: I mean, when are you available to work?
Me: Saturday. Not this Saturday, or the next one, but maybe the one after that. I’ll ask my parents. Maybe on Sunday, but I switch houses on Sunday, so I’m not sure.

Pat: Why do you want to work at The Deli?
Me: I love cash registers.

Pat: You will be clearing tables, not working the register.
Me: Okay, but these scrawny arms will drop a bus tub full of dishes on more than one occasion. I’ll be all “GOT IT. Got it. Got…CRASH”

Pat: Busboys make $3.50 and hour. Will that work for you? You will also get tipped out by the waitstaff
Me: Pat, I think that will support the essentials: enormous chewy sweet tarts, show tune cassettes, and frosted pearl lipstick. I’ll leave the cash scattered around my room, and drive my brother crazy with my nonchalant wealth.

Pat:Wow, I’m impressed.

Me: There’s more! One day you will promote me to work at the take out window, where I will drop trays full of cookies, and I cry in front of the customers as it takes me two hours to close a six foot by six foot mini deli.

Pat: True Dat! Years later, you will return to waitress in our roach-infested downtown location, and I will beam with pride as my prodigal deli daughter returns back into the fold.

Me: Lest we forget catering, Pat. Lest we forget. I will also serve as catering help for this burgeoning enterprise—learning such vocabulary as carving station, chafing dish, and ramekin.

Pat: And we will educate you in the art of fanning napkins with a cocktail glass. Don’t forget the napkin fan!

Me: Pat, I could never forget the napkin fan. I’ll see you three weeks from Saturday, when I will leave work exhausted after my two-hour shift.

Pat: That’s my girl!

if you found this interview illuminating, you might enjoy my interview with myself as a twelve-year-old babysitter.

34 comments… add one

  • ♥ Braja September 7, 2009, 7:58 am

    I think I’ve been to that restaurant…..

  • JD at I Do Things September 7, 2009, 9:16 am

    Heh! I didn’t start working until I was 16. Why was I so excited? Oh, yeah. All the frosted pearl lipstick I could buy.

  • CatLadyLarew September 7, 2009, 10:14 am

    Maybe I should apply for a job at that place… I think I could probably handle it. And $3.50/hour? Oh, the riches I could amass…
    My first job was babysitting for 35 cents an hour!

  • darsden September 7, 2009, 10:19 am

    LOL gotta love the want to work aspects of it, Esp. at that age!

  • IB September 7, 2009, 11:31 am

    Thanks for the laugh this morning, Ann. This is a great one.

    IB

  • Not The Rockefellers September 7, 2009, 12:14 pm

    you precious little ramekin…

    Peace – Rene

  • Suzy September 7, 2009, 12:48 pm

    What’s wrong with you?

  • dizzblnd September 7, 2009, 12:53 pm

    Hilarious! Loved the schedule!

  • Lyndsay September 7, 2009, 2:20 pm

    I think if you return to my room at my mom’s house, you’ll be able to recover hundreds of dollars that I earned and subsequently littered my bedroom with.

  • Comedy Goddess September 7, 2009, 2:36 pm

    I’m sure you’ve noticed how training like that parlays into many life skills.

  • Douglas September 7, 2009, 7:07 pm

    Brought back the many happy memories of my stint as a busboy. I lasted a whole week. I got fired.

  • LucyCooper September 7, 2009, 7:42 pm

    Hysterical. As always.

  • anymommy September 7, 2009, 9:02 pm

    I love cash registers. That’s priceless. I hostessed at a dive in our town all through high school. All you could eat fish on Wednesdays. Quality clientele.

  • Twenty Four At Heart September 7, 2009, 9:23 pm

    I love cash registers too. I was a 15 year old waitress in a diner. I wore black oxford shoes and an apron. My friends would stop in just to laugh at that outfit I was forced to wear. Foxay!

  • Frau September 8, 2009, 5:22 am

    Love it!

  • Becky September 8, 2009, 7:51 am

    You have now become my most favorite blog. Absolutely hilarious!!

  • Brutalism September 8, 2009, 9:21 am

    The crying part is so relatable. I cried once when I waitressed at Red Lobster because a customer noted that it took 25 minutes to get his lunch during our “20 minutes or it is free” promotion. He was so nice and good natured, and I burst into tears. He did not pursue the free lunch after that.

  • Zoe Right September 8, 2009, 9:35 am

    I too was a dishwasher but at a prestigious country club. Well until I dropped the wedding cake of one of the daughter’s of a board member. Ahhh good times.

  • Pearl September 8, 2009, 12:00 pm

    I, too, was a busboy.

    I knew I liked you.

    Pearl

  • Domestic Goddess (In Training) September 8, 2009, 12:06 pm

    That is a killer job… I can’t believe they didn’t take your nonchalant wealth back to replace all the broken dishes.

  • SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB September 8, 2009, 1:03 pm

    i found your blog from PEARL WHY YOU LITTLE and i think it is great! come and give me a peek and if you decide to follow i’ll be glad to return the favor.

    http://www.speakingfromthecrib.com

  • Malady September 8, 2009, 2:40 pm

    How clever you are, interviewing yourself! Are you always this funny?

    p.s. I didn’t learn the word ramekin until I was 23.

  • KMcJoseph September 8, 2009, 5:57 pm

    I used to tip my busboy very well…

    Quickly cleared tables = more customers = more tips = more tips for busboy = quickly cleared tables

    The circle of life.

  • Beth September 8, 2009, 7:36 pm

    So, did you ever buy those bubble gum flavored lip glosses? I miss them.

  • Heidi September 8, 2009, 7:48 pm

    That’s hilarious. I’ve cried many times at work. Not recently, thanks to Lexapro and not giving a crap anymore.
    I was fired from my only waitressing job because I gave a customer their spaghetti “to go” in a paper bag. Well, they had sent it back 3 times!

  • Nap Warden September 9, 2009, 8:33 pm

    Har har:D

  • the mama bird diaries September 9, 2009, 9:27 pm

    You would have been my favorite busboy.

    Very funny.

  • lisa September 10, 2009, 5:02 am

    You’re not showing up in my reader so I’ll have to track you down on my own.

    Fan napkins and crying….you just described my family’s Thanksgiving dinner.

  • Mammatalk September 10, 2009, 5:14 pm

    Love it! I especially like the “Saturday. Not this Saturday….” part. Such reliability! You’re hired!

  • merlotmom September 10, 2009, 7:38 pm

    Hysterical! Took me back to my first job where I also made $3.50/hr. (We must be around the same age.) It was at one of the first “salad by the pound” joints (I think it was called “Salad by the Pound) and I can still smell the kitchen disinfectant. To this day the combo of lettuce and Lysol make me gag.

  • Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub September 11, 2009, 3:59 am

    And now you are responsible for the lives of two young children…. Hmmm. Obviously past deli disasters cannot be looked at as indicators of future abilities. ;)

    p.s. Will I really be back to commenting soon??? My internet is supposed to be up and running at home tonight by midnight!!! I’ll be up waiting….

  • Susan warmchocmilk September 11, 2009, 1:19 pm

    You have a clever and unique way of getting your message across. I like it :) I’ll be following along to hear more. :)

  • Joanna Jenkins September 11, 2009, 9:11 pm

    That flashed me back to my waitressing days as a teen. Especially the CRASH part :-)
    xo

  • TechnoBabe September 12, 2009, 7:02 am

    Waitress work in high school. Yep. Mine was in the restaurant in the local bowling alley. The restaurant manager got fresh and I was not “nice” so I didn’t get many hours there. This is a good interview.

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