Call it worrying, call it anxiety, call it impatience– even when life feels pretty great and the work/life trains run mostly smoothly, my brain reverts back to station NO CHILL.
Some people find their way out of a stress vortex through gratitude practice. Often when I count my blessings (which I do! frequently!!) I nose-dive into all I should do with those blessings; realistic sane things like keeping my family plus the entire world safe and loved forever…
I feel so grateful for my healthy happy parents, and so so lucky for my kind husband who should probably have his cholesterol checked, and my dear precious children the internet is probably ruining, oh and the fact that I can get by coloring my greys with a $7.99 drug store root touch up kit and OH CRAP NONE OF THIS IS SUSTAINABLE IT’S ALL DOWN HILL FROM HERE.
Station NO CHILL.
A few years ago I learned that curiosity kills anxiety. Curiosity does not come naturally to me, with the exception of curiosity about other people. I forget to get curious about my own life. In the rare moments I remember to look with curiosity at whatever anxiety pellet my brain gnaws on, it calms me immediately.
So, I’m making wonder intentional. I plan to make a daily list of questions on which to wonder. I’ll leave them as questions with no answers, on purpose.
It fits nicely with the season, too. The Maccabies worried about their meager oil not lasting. We get to wonder about how that oil lasted for eight days, and if the more expensive Chanukah candles are really worth it (they are). Star of wonder, star of might! Not star of generalized angst, star of fear. Walking in a winter wonderland, not worryland!
This season, leave station NO CHILL for a while and wonder with me. Wonder means letting go of answers. Wonder means making room for possibility.